AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize