Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
