Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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