Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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