i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
