Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
