operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
