We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
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