It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
