and next time when you feel me up, do it right
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
