My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
