Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I can't turn off my feet"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
