I hate your face
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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