She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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