at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
