we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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