Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
