apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
