The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
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Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize