i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
