i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
