I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
barbara walters just said penis...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
