yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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