he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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