i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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