so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
