last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
