when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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