It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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