i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
