So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
