Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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