i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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