Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
