I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
