I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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