wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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