i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
being pregnant is like rehab
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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