do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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