How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
