There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
