Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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