very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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