We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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