I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
