I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
