1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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