I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
