I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
