I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
