not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
