The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
