She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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