let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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