Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
