So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
