my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
