member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
