Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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