You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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