3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
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I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
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Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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