Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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