update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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